I Don’t Know Myself. And That’s Okay

You know me a bit now. I’m a writer, which is obviously why this blogging thing is happening,  a dreamer (again… the blogging thing), and a twenty-something with massive piles of student debt crushing my lungs – and soul – a little more everyday. Those are the basics in this case, I guess. But of course, just like everybody else out there, there is so much more to me. So much that I don’t even know about it all yet.

I’m working on the whole ‘finding myself’ thing. I used to think that was a complete pile of nothingness; ‘finding yourself’ was just some excuse easily available when people didn’t want to commit to a job, a relationship, or a personality. As it turns out, younger Laura didn’t know as much as she thought she did. Shocker, I know.

Truth is, I am most definitely finding myself, and I don’t think I’ll be done anytime soon. There are so many aspects of my being that are a mystery to me. I’m not a finished product nor do I think I ever will be. And I’m content with that. I don’t want to be finished. Once you’re finished, then what? You get to look at yourself all shiny and complete up on a shelf? I don’t want that. I want to continue to dig deep and learn through experience. I want to continue to surprise myself with my capabilities.

I won’t lie. I really want to settle down and start a life and a family; my boyfriend will certainly attest to that. But I don’t want to settle. I don’t want to settle with myself. I know there will always be a better version of my out there somewhere, and I plan on chasing after it as long as I possibly can.

So yeah, I’m me, and I don’t have any idea what that means, but I’m working on it. In the meantime, I’m enjoying the journey. I’m currently a live-in nanny while I finish up my graduate program, and if anybody has helped me along my journey to self-discovery, it’s been the little one I care for. (Sidenote: I hate myself for ending a sentence with a preposition, but it’s just a casual blog, so get over it, Laura.) She’s 15 months old at the moment, but I’ve been with her since she was six weeks. It’s remarkable how somebody so young with such a lack of life experiences has helped me understand life in a new way. More on that in another post, I’m sure. For now, enjoy her first trip to the splash pad!

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7 thoughts on “I Don’t Know Myself. And That’s Okay

  1. I love your voice and your attitude! I love that you’re cynical in a funny way. There are enough people out there who are angry at the world; you certainly aren’t one of them! I look forward to reading more. Keep up the blogging and the free verse poetry. I am a reading and writing teacher, and I appreciate your candid thoughts and your writing style.
    ~ Dawn

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